Anyone that has adopted a child, is raising their grand kids or another family member knows what I’m going through. I suppose I’m looking for some insight on when to tell your child the true story. May be cheaper than a therapist, right?
This subject is just around the corner for me. Brody is now 4 years old and is learning at such a fast pace. He’s not asking questions yet, but I know it’s coming. There’s going to be so many questions he’s going to ask me soon. We pray every night to please give JDT above a hug. Brody’s bound to want to know who he is. For my readers who don’t know – we raise our youngest grandchild. He came straight to us from the hospital – we are all he knows. We are his Mommie and Daddy. Hence, Momme…Again Blog was born.
When to tell your child the true story.
I could sit here and write a whole page on when, where, why, how to tell your child the true story, but I’m not because I don’t know. I just know it’s been on my mind lately and I want to prepare myself for when the time comes when Brody asks that question “Who’s that man in that picture?” or “Why do my brothers and sister call you Nana and I call you Mommy?” I hope I have a good answer. I won’t ever lie, but I don’t dare tell him everything all at once.
One reason this has been on my mind is that I over-heard a young teenage girl talking at a table behind us in a restaurant about how she felt when she found out that her daddy wasn’t her “real” daddy. She said she was hurt and sad and mad. I don’t want Brody to be any of those things.
My son (Brody’s biological father) died not even four years ago from a drug overdose. See why I wouldn’t tell Brody everything all at once? Brody’s older siblings don’t even know that yet. How do you tell a child that? When do you tell a child that?
These are all the stages that I will go through being Brody’s Mommy, so I suppose I need to write about it here, after all that’s why this blog exist today. This Mommie…Again is strong and will get through this. My husband is a great supporter and a great dad and is with me all the way. My son who passed is not his, but Brody is his and he (my husband) is the best daddy in the world!!
Any encouragement would be great but please don’t feel sorry for me. I’m passed that now. Of course I still cry when I think of him and the awful way he passed. It’s such a sad story in its self.
Thank you for listening and caring. Have you or do you know someone who has been through this situation before? If so, I’d love to hear some encouragement.
Oh Kim, that is so tough. I am so sorry for your loss. When the time is right, you will tell him. You are a wonderful mother and grandmother. He will never feel that he is not loved and that is most important.
Wow. I too am adopted and knew it along with my name. I can tell you that I always thought being adopted is a wonderful thing–though I'm adamantly pro-choice. And that I wouldn't have traded my parents for anybody.
You don't have to tell him the whole story now–just that his parents (and probably add the relationship) couldn't take care of him and you couldn't think of anything you wanted to do more in the world! I might seek counseling to help me tell it "right" and maybe if he has any problems but that's my bias as a clinical social worker, person from NY and person with parents who believed in counseling if you sneezed too often.
Thanks for your story. It actually made my day for many reasons.
Awww thank Pia – I'm glad your comment did come through here!!! I've gone to counseling before for a different reason and I do believe it would help – as long as my husband is willing to go also. We have not talked about that yet. YOur comment here has helped me think more clearer now and I thank you for your nice message!
I'm also in North Texas
As an adopted child, I can tell you the earlier the better. I never had the "sit down" from my parents because they told me all the time how special I was because they adopted me. I never felt that shock, and I think that is the way to go. I would look for a children's book about adoption, and perhaps start the story that way. Being adopted can make a child feel special.
Thanks Tam – I do have a book on adoption that I will get out. Because we didn't adopt Brody I didn't think the book would be right for us, but I'm thinking differently now and I am going to start reading it to him. We are going to have beautiful weather today. I live in Justin – near the TMS!! Thanks for your comment here – it really does help me think a bit!
I have no idea how one broaches that subject, but I see you and your husband as strong caring people and that will see you through. As Sharon says, writing and processing may help you find the words. Thank you for sharing this touching story.
Brody is growing up knowing he is loved and cared for. This conversation will probably be more difficult for you than for him, when the time comes. Keep writing about it – it will help you to process the experience (as much as I hate that word, process).
You're right Sharon – the more I read everyone's comments and the comment from a person on twitter the more I am able to deal with the decision my husband and I made. Everything will be okay!! Thank you for your sincere comment.
I can't imagine losing a child as you did, and I send my condolences. Brody is growing up in a warm and loving household which is the greatest gift you can give him. Everything else will fall into place. I really believe that.
Helene – I really do too, but sometimes my worrying gets in the way, then I start questioning myself. I appreciate your sincere note.
I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Brody is so blessed to have you. When the time is right, I am sure you will find the right words. You obviously have a way with words as could be seen in the heartfelt, tender post.
Oh thank you so much….I do struggle with my words and your encouragement here made me feel much better!!
My heart goes out to you on your loss. It sounds complicated….There are so many considerations…I wish you luck!
Thank you for your kindness – luckily all kids involved are very much loved.
I have no experience with this, yet still wish to send encouragement and virtual hugs. I'm sure you'll find the best way to make it just another part of Brody's life.
Yes, we will make it so…it's just another part of Brody's like. I love this. Thank you.
I won't say I'm sorry. I will say I am deeply sorry about your son and his passing.
I'm sure you and your husband are fabulous parents, because the love pours out in this blog post. You will do the right thing when the time comes. Love dictates that.
Brody is adorable.
We are here for you….
Thanks Cathy – The day I heard that girl say that is when I've started thinking perhaps we should have started out with just being Nana and Papa – but I chose different and I know it will all work out …I just know it in my heart!